Halfway

At the beginning of May, I had a sobering thought. “June is coming.”

June is the half-way mark for this little project.  I realized, half a year will be gone since I set some staggering resolutions, and the tally wasn’t looking good. 

 

I had moved several poms in the “stuff” bottle.  The exercise category was moving slow and steady, and it won’t be hard to keep that going.  But the “pounds” bottle had begun to grow dust.

I’d mentioned a bazillion and a half times that I had hit a plateau, a plateau that had been running on for months and months.  But when May began, I officially did the math.  Although I had lost about 16 pounds since last November when I started making health changes, I had only lost 8 of those since the start of the year.  That is 8 pounds in six months, and, to be honest, those 8 were done early on.  I had been stalling for weeks, months on end.

This was no longer a plateau.  I had the nagging feeling that this was something else. Failure.

When I first wrapped my head around the concept that my diet had failed, I decided to start running on a regular basis.  I called it “Run Away May.” (I am slightly obsessed with naming things.)  (And making themed photo collages)

But after two weeks of running, I still saw no budge in the scale.  I decided it was time to up the ante

.

I have never liked the concept of writing down everything I eat.  It felt like it would only add to my food obsession, and it also sounded like the world’s most depressing journal.  I was really hoping to avoid these trappings of conventional dieting, believing that I could somehow transcend tried and true diet tactics.  

But I was looking at failure, so I had to decide what I was willing to do to make this happen.  

What do you do on the day when you realize your diet has failed? In the morning, you eat biscuits and gravy, and in the evening, you join Weight Watchers. 

The plan was this: I am going to continue to eat as I have been (no to grain, yes to fat), but I am now going to put it in the framework of the Weight Watchers point structure to help with portion control.  

And I am happy to report that I am two weeks in and five pounds down.  

The tracking is not as awful as I thought it would be.  It helped me notice a few problem areas. Like how the amount of cream in my coffee multiplied by the number of cups of coffee I have in a day is a math problem that doesn’t come out in my favor.   You’d be surprised how many points are in salad dressing or cheese or Lorna Doones. ;)

Also, if I really want something, I track the points and try to adjust accordingly the rest of the day.  Actually, once I eat and track something, I have an easier time not obsessing about it.  It’s eaten­ – it’s tallied – it’s done.  Move on to the next thing.  

So here we are at half way and here’s the score.  

13 pounds since the start of the year and 21 pounds since last November. 

57 things I have either given or thrown away (this includes a few pounds of shredding) 

20 poms moved in the exercise bottle (many more to come)

As I look forward to the second half, I feel a need to give an inspirational talk.  A halftime locker-room speech to motivate the troops.  Something about going out on to the field as boys but leaving as men or some such. But I don’t know if I really have anything that profound to say.

Just that I haven't given up, and that grit is oddly encouraging.  My sister in law mentioned that even if my diet wasn't a good fit, I have stuck with it.  So, most likely, I will be able to stick with whatever diet I choose.  It was just a matter of finding the right one. And that sentiment breeds hope.

Hope that I can finish strong.  Hope that I can find the change I originally set out to find.  A change in my life, in my body and in my heart.  As you can tell from some of my previous posts the winds of change have already started. I think we're getting some where.

So, bring on June, July and all the rest of them and let's walk off this field as men. (or a woman... I am not hoping for that much change ;) )